With a mixture of excitement and anxiety, I asked the casework what seemed like a million questions. Everything seemed to fit. I didn't commit. When dear hubby came home, we deliberated for hours. What if....What about....How....and CAN WE DO THIS? We went to bed with more questions and no solutions.
The next morning, my husband says, "I have decided that we are going to say yes." I think, "Okay, now what?" He says, "yes," but I am afraid. I can't shake the "what ifs?" I say, "okay, I will call the caseworker."
After talking with the caseworker, I felt better. More questions answered. A reasonable time frame presented.....let's meet next Wednesday for you to meet the little one and the current care provider. Then we can arrange another time for you to meet and play with the little one before you take this little one home. This was do-able for me. Let's ease into this; let it be easier.
Two hours later, I got another call: "Can you take the little one tomorrow?" Uh..... my thoughts whirled through my head...all the questions rising to the surface again. Yet, we say, "yes." That tomorrow is today. This afternoon we will pick up another addition to our family. We are not ashamed to say that we are scared out of our minds. We will be giving our hearts and love to the little one without knowing if this child will ever become ours. I don't know how to hold my heart back; I don't know how to give a little bit of love and reserve some for later....just in case. And I don't want to.
We talk with our children. We prepare them (as best we can) for what might come. They will walk this journey with us. We are a family, and we come alongside one another.They are excited. They remind us that the little one will need a toothbrush.
My heart races, then calms. I think, "how do I introduce myself to this 17 month old little one?" Then I know, in my heart the answer, "with love." My heart calms, I take a deep breath, and I say, "yes, I am ready for this. I am ready for the journey. I am ready for the hard climbs and the easy slopes. I am ready for the sharp rocks and the rushing rivers. I am ready for whatever the journey offers us. I am ready to love, learn, and grow."