Wednesday, May 2, 2012

No More Babies

I did not know what it would feel like when I hit this point in life. The point when diapers are fading, when sippy cups and small spoons are no longer needed, when the "baby" phase is gone. But we have arrived at yet another crossroad....the one from infant to toddler, and I have no more infants on the way. I have spent the last few months truly grieving the growing up of my youngest.

And her 2nd birthday, though a time of rejoicing in who she is, became a very nostalgic time for me. She is no longer a baby, and I no longer have any babies. Everyone always told me, "you will know when you are done having children." No one ever told me, "you will grieve, cry, throw fits, and even wish for just one more." Just one more moment of baby smell, one more night to nurse, one more infant grunt, one more first smile, just one more..." At first I resisted and did my best to talk myself out of the grieving, but after two months of failing miserably, I allowed myself the freedom to embrace this phase of life while also grieving what I felt I needed to.

The dynamics of each family and each mom are so different so I cannot say to you that you will know when you are done having children or that the transition will be easy for you. I can say that if you are anything like me that the sadness will come, but that it's okay. Don't feel like you have to be like all the other moms who seem to hold it together, are so contented, and seem to have really know when their families were complete. Embrace this time and allow yourself the freedom (if you need to) to feel sad. I know that my family is complete (currently), and believe me I never want to be pregnant again, but there is still a part of me that longs to have baby after baby after baby. But there is cause for celebration in this post because Cami did turn 2, and we have an entire new year of different types of firsts with her to look forward to. And her little personality is forming so beautifully. She is the entertainment of the home with her crazy antics, songs, and amazing dance moves. She has the most incredible facial expressions and melts my heart with her smile. She is definitely has the strongest will out of all my children and expresses it daily. Oh the challenges, but I look forward to seeing that strong will manifest in her later in life (I was also a strong willed child). I am thankful for her cuddles, snuggles, and some afternoons she still falls asleep on my lap, and we snuggle, and she breaths heavily, and I thank God for my darling 2 year old.


Anonymous said...

I miss having baby's around. Aunt Angie loves the cuddles and rocking them to sleep.

Cami is such a big girl. Love seeing the pics.


Louise said...

well said :-)